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A Love Lost

It’s been a while since I have written and it has been because of something that I have lost that has grown so close to my heart. I will not mention what or who this may be- but I am ready to write about it, in a general kind of way.  There are very few things that I allow “in”, those who really do KNOW me understand the core of me and I am lucky enough to say that those same people, accept me.  Most of us (I know I am not the only one), put on a façade most of the time in effort to protect ourselves.  Women, I find, are very familiar with this as we are usually the ones who suffer emotional distress, whether it be in our upbringing or relationships in our adulthood.  Losing something that you grow to love is tough and I really can’t say if you can ever “get over it”, but what I can say is that you can learn to cope with it.

Recently, I let something in, this something saw a side of me that most people do not. Needless to say, I let go of this something as it was getting way too complicated for me to understand. I wouldn’t say it was a love in a sense that I was “in love”, but definitely a form of a love. When dealing with something like this, I find myself having an internal struggle between the “Strong-willed Jessica” and the “Nurturing Jessica” (FYI- that is the Jessica most do not usually get to know)- fortunately for me, the “Rational Jessica” usually prevails (and no people I am not suffering from schizophrenia). I know that I am not the only person who has been in this place, so I thought I should share with you how I learned to cope with it, in hopes that it can help someone pull themselves out of that sad place. How can a person get over something that causes so much pain to them? The answer to that is not a simple one, but I promise you it isn’t too convoluted either.

First:

We all know that sinking feeling, when you’ve made a decision that you know you didn’t want to make, the feeling that puts your stomach in knots and gives you hot/cold flashes.  Are you with me?  I think it’s safe to say that this feeling doesn’t instantly go away. A tip that I can share is this:  when you have this feeling, it’s important to remember WHY you have made the decision to let go in the first place. Remember the reasons - this will be your saving grace from the doubt that is to come. Regardless of what you are letting go; a friendship, a relationship, a job- whatever it may be, there is a reason for your decision- stick to your guns. I for one, found myself wanting so badly to go back to the “something” I chose to drop, but I remembered the confusion it caused me and the hurt- and just like that the doubt was washed away. I realize that this will not be the last time I might need to do something like this, so in a way I am suiting up for the next possibilities.

Second:

With that being said, I think it’s also important to be realistic.  In my family, we have an ongoing “joke”, if I predict a negative outcome for a situation, someone in my family would take that opportunity to call me a Negative Nancy, to which I would respond, “I am a realist”.  And while we have a good laugh at this, there is nothing about that four letter statement that rings untrue.  I am a realist, and I think it is important for everyone to be a realist. It isn’t healthy to live in a world that you build for yourself that excludes what can happen.  Consider the possibilities, ALL of the possibilities- even if the very thought of some of them brings you to tears; because if you don’t there will be a lot of sadness ahead of you, never be caught by surprise- if you don’t prepare yourself for the possibilities it may be harder for you to deal with the real outcome.

Lastly:

Once you really allow reality to set in, focus on the blessings in your life.  When you are in a dark or sad place, it is important to focus on the things that bring you joy; whatever they may be. Whoever you are, you have been blessed and if you can not think of anything that you have been blessed with, put your hand over your heart, is it beating?  Then there is your blessing. 

The moral of the story is this, while you are sad and completely disheartened by the turn of events or the decision you have made- you will continue to live.  Remember that this is just a hurdle and you can and will get through it. The pain will subside and there will be something else to replace that feeling days, weeks or months down the line, we were made to be resilient, remember that.  Sky is the limit, while it may feel like you have hit a dead end- look harder, there is a hidden door, find it and pull yourself out of this place!

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